Yesterday, I called off an interview and hung out with a semi-new friend. I don't call off interviews because I need a new job, but I really didn't want that job anyway. It was at a grocery store. The pay is good and the work wouldn't be too boring, but I would be less embarrassed to tell people I'm a dominatrix, which I almost applied for - I still might actually.
Anyway, I went out with this friend to her friend's place, an hour away from everything I'm used to. Her friends are super friendly. I've only hung out with them a few times and they are already very affectionate and warm. I really enjoy that. After being around really uncomfortable people for so long it's nice to sit back and make really inappropriate jokes with people. Her friends are also kinda hot. I've already slightly hit on two of them and I'm seriously trying to figure out how to sleep with the third.
There are three girls and two guys in her group that I've met more than once so far. The boys are so nice! There's one with a beard who tickles me just to make me jump. He so sweet and completely dateable. The other is a total gamer and is on his computer most of the time that I'm there, but he seems happy to share certain... uhm, substances if one asks.
All three of the girls are incredibly hot in a very geeky, socially awkward way. All are vaguely bisexual. One is small, but not tiny, and very bouncy, happy, and fun. The other two are around my height and curvy. They both also like to walk around braless after taking a shower. And of course, since I'm a teenage boy (I'm not) there was an instant tent in my pants. Warm, slightly wet girls walking around very obviously without bras and who smell like they just stepped out of the shower (because they did) apparently turns me on. Who knew?
The teenage boy in me thinks that one of them is interested in me because of the way she watched me all night. And the braless hug at the end that she bounced into. And the stomach flashing that edged up a little higher than necessary, but too low to see anything good (see? teenage boy). There are slight moral problems with messing with any of them, of course, -- I'm the new guy, she's one of the friend's ex, she kinda only wants to use me to experiment, it wouldn't go anywhere beyond sex, etc., etc. -- but teenage boy boner knows no morals (so long as she happily consents of course). The best thing though is that 1) I wouldn't be afraid or ashamed to tell my friend about my interest and 2) I feel like I could actually do it ("it" being talking to the girl in question, making a move, and finally the "it" of the innuendo).
Boners and cute, awkward girls aside, they are a really nice group of folks. Even if sleeping with on of them would be a social or emotional misstep, I don't feel like it would affect my relationship with any of them too drastically and I love this. There's a lot of freedom in the ability to make mistakes. And boy am I ready to start making some bad decisions!
~R.
Friday, August 10, 2012
Sunday, August 5, 2012
Guess Who's Back (for Today)
Once again, I am without the internet. I'm going to lose it again on Monday, which brings me today's topic: Should I get an apartment?
Recap: Life sucks. I hate my job so much that I cry before going in. My mom is being a type A bitch (it really depends on the day, but lately it's been too much for me). I'm not making nearly enough money (I had a bad week and it's freaking me out how unstable my finances are). I've been applying to jobs until my eyes bleed and I've been getting a lot of interviews, but no offers, which is incredibly disappointing. I'm usually joking when I say this, but I'm really thinking about going into debt so I can get a job to help pay it off.
On the bright side, I settled on more than a few life and career goals. For now, I want to work in the IT industry and I'm working towards the necessary certifications - the stuff is really interesting and I'm confused, but happy. In the future, I want to go back to school and get my PhD in Psychology. Right now, I want the end of the degree to be clinical work, but I will try to supplement it with organization stuff in case I need to get a foot in the private sector. I'm putting off the next degree because I really don't want to be 30 and thinking "What the hell have I done with my life." I'm barely into my 20s and already thinking it. I also found two more months worth of meds while I was cleaning up my room (I forgot I had them fill that prescription early) so I have a bit of extension while I wait on my health care stuff to kick in.
With all these things in mind, an awesome opportunity opened up, namely an apartment. A friend of mine had to move so there's an opening at her old apartment. The place is absolutely gorgeous in a really good part of town. The rent is 400/month ABP, which is way too good to be true (the catch is I'll have roommates, but I'm okay with this). The lease begins in September, but they would like me to move in now, which I'm perfectly capable of doing. The only reason I'm thinking about it is because I recently applied for an entry level pc tech job with my friend who just got hired on with the company himself. The pay would be a little less than double what I make now and includes benefits, travel, and awesome schedule flexibility. I had the phone interview last week and they are supposed to call me about a face-to-face interview for this week (if I made it through the initial screening that is). Now if all goes perfectly, then I'll get the job around the same time I'll be moving into the apartment. It would be an amazing scenario, but way too close for comfort for little old me.
On the other side of the world, another company has placed it's bid with me. They're flying me out to see their corporate offices in the next two weeks (around the time I find out if the pc tech job wants me). If they offer me a position (which I won't know for two weeks after this last interview), I'll be moving out there with a pretty hefty starting salary (the catch is that they will most likely overwork me and there's no real room for growth).
I want to stay in my home town, but if I have to stay with my mom, I'll go bat shit crazy. Besides, I would feel much more comfortable starting a relationship if I had my own place to stay. I feel like I'm settling by being at home. It makes me feel sad and stifled.
If I move into the apartment, I would have to turn down the out of state company because I would be signing a year long lease. I would also need to turn up the heat on the job search or risk ruining my credit and my roommates' housing. I'm also worried about how fast this is all going. Part of me is resistant to the move.
If I give up the out of state job, I would be giving up the security of a good income. I've already told myself that if I didn't find anything by the time they made an offer, I would take it. On the other hand, there's no telling if they'll actually offer me a position.
I've been looking for a job off and on since the end of June. The whole process makes me horribly anxious. I've been dealing with the anxiety in small ways, but it still comes up. Yesterday, I was so depressed I couldn't get out of bed. Today, I put in over 40 applications to various places from movie theaters to insurance companies. The problem is that, each company could individually turn me down. I'm seeing this from a statistical point of view of "I applied to 40 places, one has to hire me." The jobs, no doubt, are seeing it from the POV of "We have X hundred candidates, we need to hire one." Even worse, is that lack of feed back. I've had places turn me down because I was "overqualified" for a position, which I guess means they're afraid I'll ask for more money. I have almost didn't get my second of last job (and probably lost a recent full time job) because they were afraid I would prefer to go to school than to work.
I don't know. I'm leaning towards taking the apartment, praying for the tech job, and turning down the oos job. That would be my best possible scenario, but I'm so scared that it won't work out like that. Life rarely does. I'm not fully prepared for a new apartment, but I'm definitely ready to leave my mom's house. I'm hoping that the jolt will wake me out of the depression. Either that or it's going to make everything worst.
Geeze man. This blows.
Recap: Life sucks. I hate my job so much that I cry before going in. My mom is being a type A bitch (it really depends on the day, but lately it's been too much for me). I'm not making nearly enough money (I had a bad week and it's freaking me out how unstable my finances are). I've been applying to jobs until my eyes bleed and I've been getting a lot of interviews, but no offers, which is incredibly disappointing. I'm usually joking when I say this, but I'm really thinking about going into debt so I can get a job to help pay it off.
On the bright side, I settled on more than a few life and career goals. For now, I want to work in the IT industry and I'm working towards the necessary certifications - the stuff is really interesting and I'm confused, but happy. In the future, I want to go back to school and get my PhD in Psychology. Right now, I want the end of the degree to be clinical work, but I will try to supplement it with organization stuff in case I need to get a foot in the private sector. I'm putting off the next degree because I really don't want to be 30 and thinking "What the hell have I done with my life." I'm barely into my 20s and already thinking it. I also found two more months worth of meds while I was cleaning up my room (I forgot I had them fill that prescription early) so I have a bit of extension while I wait on my health care stuff to kick in.
With all these things in mind, an awesome opportunity opened up, namely an apartment. A friend of mine had to move so there's an opening at her old apartment. The place is absolutely gorgeous in a really good part of town. The rent is 400/month ABP, which is way too good to be true (the catch is I'll have roommates, but I'm okay with this). The lease begins in September, but they would like me to move in now, which I'm perfectly capable of doing. The only reason I'm thinking about it is because I recently applied for an entry level pc tech job with my friend who just got hired on with the company himself. The pay would be a little less than double what I make now and includes benefits, travel, and awesome schedule flexibility. I had the phone interview last week and they are supposed to call me about a face-to-face interview for this week (if I made it through the initial screening that is). Now if all goes perfectly, then I'll get the job around the same time I'll be moving into the apartment. It would be an amazing scenario, but way too close for comfort for little old me.
On the other side of the world, another company has placed it's bid with me. They're flying me out to see their corporate offices in the next two weeks (around the time I find out if the pc tech job wants me). If they offer me a position (which I won't know for two weeks after this last interview), I'll be moving out there with a pretty hefty starting salary (the catch is that they will most likely overwork me and there's no real room for growth).
I want to stay in my home town, but if I have to stay with my mom, I'll go bat shit crazy. Besides, I would feel much more comfortable starting a relationship if I had my own place to stay. I feel like I'm settling by being at home. It makes me feel sad and stifled.
If I move into the apartment, I would have to turn down the out of state company because I would be signing a year long lease. I would also need to turn up the heat on the job search or risk ruining my credit and my roommates' housing. I'm also worried about how fast this is all going. Part of me is resistant to the move.
If I give up the out of state job, I would be giving up the security of a good income. I've already told myself that if I didn't find anything by the time they made an offer, I would take it. On the other hand, there's no telling if they'll actually offer me a position.
I've been looking for a job off and on since the end of June. The whole process makes me horribly anxious. I've been dealing with the anxiety in small ways, but it still comes up. Yesterday, I was so depressed I couldn't get out of bed. Today, I put in over 40 applications to various places from movie theaters to insurance companies. The problem is that, each company could individually turn me down. I'm seeing this from a statistical point of view of "I applied to 40 places, one has to hire me." The jobs, no doubt, are seeing it from the POV of "We have X hundred candidates, we need to hire one." Even worse, is that lack of feed back. I've had places turn me down because I was "overqualified" for a position, which I guess means they're afraid I'll ask for more money. I have almost didn't get my second of last job (and probably lost a recent full time job) because they were afraid I would prefer to go to school than to work.
I don't know. I'm leaning towards taking the apartment, praying for the tech job, and turning down the oos job. That would be my best possible scenario, but I'm so scared that it won't work out like that. Life rarely does. I'm not fully prepared for a new apartment, but I'm definitely ready to leave my mom's house. I'm hoping that the jolt will wake me out of the depression. Either that or it's going to make everything worst.
Geeze man. This blows.
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