Absence

My internet at home is incredibly spotty. I've been trying to figure out how to maintain a signal, but nothing's worked so far. I can (and have been) reading the blogs easily enough, but posting things has been a bit of a hassle. And of course, I won't actually call customer service or tech support to fix the issue because, well, that would make sense.

My life on the other end of the screen has been boring more or less. I'm still struggling with being out of school and having so much time on my hands, but not exactly doing anything with it. I read, god do I read, whatever I can get my hands on. I still go out and visit with friends, which is always nice. And I work. My job offered me a more stable part-time position with them, which means my hours will be set in stone (I'll be pulling in a more respectable check, but I'll still need another job), and I get to learn the Adobe Creative Suite with them, which I think is awesome. I have the manuals to go along with the Suite, but it's really hard to concentrate on them at home. I'll retain certain background facts just fine (like stuff about vector v. bitmap graphics), but application stuff (like hot keys and the like) don't stick. I need to be able to do it while I'm learning it.

Sexually, I've been incredibly uninterested as of late. I just have no romantic or sexual interest in people right now. I still get excited and get off, but it's more like taking a bath or eating -- something I do because I need to. I still enjoy doing it, of course, but it's not a major thing. Even so, I've been having some very vivid submissive fantasies thanks in part to all the Domme blogs I read. And to top it all off, I got hit with a whip. Of course I enjoyed it, but it confused the hell out of me that my friend actually did it. I wonder what goes through that girl's head sometimes. I did finally ask her just how much I could touch her because the guessing game is really beginning to annoy me, but I haven't gotten a response. I find it so strange that of all of the people I know she would be the one I'd have the most trouble with regarding physical closeness.

I really want to learn a skill so I can get more interesting jobs. Right now, my mind is set on being a film editor. I like the idea of arranging images together to make a story. Luckily enough, the skills to be a film editor are transferable between film, television, and news so I wouldn't have to worry about a job as much. I just don't know how to get those skills except to go back to school. I would prefer to do an apprenticeship with an established company and learn through them, but everyone wants an experienced person. Actually, I would probably have time to do an internship now. I'll have to look into it. It would probably get me out of this pitying mood as well.

I'm going to post this before my internet boots me off again.
~R.

TMI Tues: The Most

Yay! I remembered to play this time thanks to Rhye's post at Skin & Lace. My phone screamed at me to read it, which scared me out of my sleep, lol. Anyway, without any further ado:

This week’s TMI Tuesday theme is…

We want to know what thing you’ve done the most times.

1. What sex position have you been in the most times?

Missionary, come to think of it. I really enjoy straddling a partner (esp, with a toy in tow) so that's where I end up most of the time. It's strange though because my favorite position is from behind. 

2. What book have you read …?

I usually don't read or watch things more than once, unless it's for school. In which case, I've read Fredrick Douglass's Narrative like 4 or 5 times. On my own though, I think I've read Oscar Wilde's Picture of Dorian Gray like twice and Francesca Lia Block Wasteland like 3 or 4 times. Wilde is a very witty man and Block's book was the first time I ever saw prose mix with poetry like that so I was enthralled. Years later I read Anne Carson's Autobiography of Red (which I've also read more than once) and felt the same kind of wonderment.

3. What movie have you watched …?

I'm not sure, but it would have to be between High Art and Imagine Me & You. Both center around women in really great ways (probably because one of the main characters in both is a lesbian). The first has a sad, but admittedly stupid ending. While the second is very upbeat and happy (with a strangely depressing message about heteros). If I had Lost and Delirious that would probably be on this list too. Piper Perabo is so frigging amazing and hot!

4. In the last week, who have you texted … ? (no names, list the relationship or type of person)

Probably my best male friend from college. He's really big on communicating so we talk and text more than I do with anyone else. A lot of my friends seem to like to talk in person, so if I call or text them it's to see when we can meet up.

5. In the last week, what food have you eaten …?

Sandwiches. I got tired of the lunch time McDonald's run at my job, so I've been bringing a lot of sandwiches lately.

6. Today, which website have you visited …?

Facebook, as always. 

7. When dining out, where have you eaten …?

This little cafe place near my school. It's a quaint little place with awesome cake. I have many fond memories of setting on their porch with friends chatting and people watching.

8. Which sex toy have you used …?

Do my fingers count as a sex toy? Because if so, they are hands down (teehee, pun) my most used AND favorite. I'm an incredibly tactile person and I feel a bit disconnected if I can't feel the parts I'm playing with (unless I'm wearing a strap, which is a completely different story). Other than that, I've used my rabbit the most.

Bonus:  Is there something you’d love to go back and relive in your sexual past?

(Thank you to Husband of Two Sexual Minds for this week’s bonus question)

There's a LOT of things I'd love to go back and relive, but of that I really miss playing in class. It was the mix of touching, teasing, doing things in public, the possibility of being caught and the funniness of playing off arousal that made me incredibly happy. Sex is fun and funny and goofy and yea, orgasm is serious business in its own right, but I don't think that should be the single and most important goal. Maybe my ideas about sex are too romantic, but I do miss having a partner that shared that ideology as well.

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How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblogfrom your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!

Post (Coital) Interruptus

I need to get back on a regular schedule, but it's a bit hard to write when you haven't gotten off in a couple of days and most of your reading list includes (really, really good) sex blogs. So imagine that this is a full post with stories and jokes and entertainment while I go happily fap until I put myself to sleep.

Besos,

~Rogue

Behind and Tired

Hello there. It's been a while hasn't it? Well the interwebs are up and running at my house so yay for that. I've been running around and trying to keep busy -- finally applying for jobs and such -- and I've worn myself out by staying out of the house as much as possible. I am so very behind on everyone's blogs, but this gives me something to do on my off day. I skim through my list and peek and the different pages and get excited. There's some good stuff going on in blogger while I webless.

In other news, I got another piercing. This happened weeks ago, but I thought I'd mention it here. It was just another one on my ear. My nipple, clitoris, and tongue are all without metal for the time being. Although, I may have my nipple repierced again soon. I keep meaning to go do it, but I've been so busy lately. I should be getting my clitoral hood pierced on my birthday next month and I'm not sure when or if I'll get my tongue done. I only want to get it pierced if I absolutely have to take out my lip piercing. Otherwise, I'm not going to do it. I'm in love with my lip piercing and would be heartbroken to give it up.

The job hunt is going strangely well. I have mixed feelings about this because I partially don't want to work, but I do like nice things. Besides, I have this idea to drive across the US for maybe a month or two couch surfing and living in hostels just for the hell of it. I love driving and my sister is willing to rent me a car so it seems like a cool idea, but I would really need to start saving up for it. I also have another idea to start up a small business on my own, but I'm really not in the mindset for it. Call me overconfident, but it seems like too good of an idea and something that would actually work and make a good profit. Although I do plan to add business owner to my name one day, I'm just not ready for that now. I have friends who keep bugging me about it so it's probably going to be on my mind for a while. Especially with Pride coming up.

And I missed TMI Tuesday! Boo! That's really one of my favorite games to play on here. I may pick up some of the other ones later on.

Long ago I mentioned starting up a second blog and keeping this one for personal stuff (maybe sprucing it up a bit if I can ever figure out blogger). The idea has come back, but I think instead of blogger I'm going to move to wordpress. I don't know. I have a lot of ideas and want to do a lot of things but I'm slow about everything.
That's all for now. I'm going to go to bed and fall asleep playing sudoku.

~Rogue

Internetless

I do not have the interwebs at home. It's been a horrid few weeks but whatever; it should be back on soon.  In the meantime, major life lessons learned offline:

1) Medicine works best when you take it.
2) If you don't see them or hear from them for weeks at a time, then you probably shouldn't call them a friend (or at least understand what kind of friend they are).
3) Speed dating is both amazing and terrible.
4) Guys like me (crazy, right?), but I'd much rather have a girlfriend.
5) There's a 50% chance you'll get what you ask for; compared to a 0% chance when you don't ask.
6) It's bartender(ing?) season!
7) I am TERRIBLE at entertaining in medium sized groups... and making small talk about myself.
8) I should probably go to grad school for creative writing (because everything seems pointless if I can't chase after my dreams).
9) Programmers desperately need creative writers in the field -- at least to write their manuals.
10) Always keep the ones who call you just to see how you're doing -- even before they know something's wrong.

That's about it for now. I'm probably going to spend some time catching up on some other blogs (which I have missed so much!) and then head home. I need to put out some applications in tomorrow, but I keep forgetting to print my resume.

xox ~Rogue

Road Trips and New Projects

I went on the first road trip of the summer yesterday. It was pretty awesome, but incredibly tiring. I went with my best friend to see one of our other friends and her girlfriend. I missed them muchly. They took us all over their town and by the time we made it to the bar that night, I was totally wiped out. That didn't stop me from getting mildly drunk and playing word search. And even though I felt like I failed at keeping my bestie entertained, she (not so subtly) reminded me that she's not that high maintenance. So I played more word search and we left.

I needed the quiet today. Yesterday was filled with noise. People, cars, music, more people, indistinct chatter, everything. Lots and lots of noise. Today, there's nothing but calmness. Tomorrow, there will probably be more adventure. And maybe a kitten (which I'm highly allergic to)!

Given time alone, I see that I really don't write much. When I do write, I tend to write for hours or until I have to make myself go to sleep. Unfortunately, when I stop writing in the middle of a new project, it seems I won't remember where I was going with it. But I do seem to enjoy the revision process. I've been revising the same four pages for about a week now, but only because I don't know where to go anymore. I may switch over to another project until I figure that one out.

I'm adding bartending, programming, and nonlinear editing to my list of possible skills for the remainder of this month and the next. I may be getting my license to sell alcohol on Tuesday and starting bartending school next week. Or maybe this weekend, depending. I'm also going to try my hardest to get through my C++ book. It's a hefty book with a lot of technical jargon, but I'm going to try it out anyway. I want to see if I actually like programming things before I go to school in it. Towards the end of next month I plan to take a weekend class on Final Cut Pro X to see if I like it. Lots of experimental things going on in June if I actually do any of it.

As to romance, I think I'm making progress! Not with anyone, just with the way I see things. I always knew that I have to start asking for what I want, but I'm scared that it would change the way people see me. I've always been afraid that it would make them think that all I wanted from them was sex (or kisses or cuddles or whatever). Now I'm starting to see there's a difference between being gross and being genuine.

Saying something like, "You and I both know we're going to bang, so let's cut the crap and get to it" probably won't get me the response I want (not that I would ever say something like that, well, not usually). But maybe something like, "It's totally okay if you don't want to, but would it be okay if I kissed you right now" probably would. The point being that it's okay to find someone attractive. And it's okay to want to kiss them and cuddle with them. And asking for those things doesn't automatically make you a sleazy perv. Rudimentary, yes, but something I've never really wrapped my head around.

It's sad that I'm only now beginning to learn these things. But I did learn other totally awesome things, like reading and being open-minded! So I guess that evens things out some.

Anyway. I'm going to read some comics, maybe watch a movie, thumb through this big ass book and go to sleep. Hope everyone else is doing well too. Night!

~Rogue

Sleepy Post: Three of a Kind

Okay not to make any grand sweeping statements, but I'm never going to find anyone!

Silliness aside, here's my dilemma: there are three people who I want to make happy time with. All three are committed in one way or the other. One stimulates me mentally, mostly, the other two stimulate me physically. Of the two that stimulates me physically, one makes me feel emotional, the other, feral. I feel like all three like me in some way, but I'm terrible at reading signs so they all could just be incredibly friendly. Of the three, I'm only afraid of losing one, but I'm afraid of getting my butt kicked by the other's partner (not literally though). And I'd be afraid to break up the relationship of the last one. I only want to be in a relationship with one of the three  The other two spell disaster from a mile away. Let's break it down with letters!

Person A: Incredibly smart, stimulates me mentally in ways that only professors have been able to interest me, incredibly honest, open-minded, adventurous, spontaneous, wonderful sense of humor, experienced, settled, strong, could hold me down both mentally and physically, BUT has penis (which I'm not too big on at the moment).

Person B: Loving, sweet, funny, trustworthy, patient, sensuous, addictive, gorgeous BUT we're friends.

Person C: Innocent in a way that drives me crazy, kinky, sexual, open-minded, experimental, drives the blood straight into my pants at a moment's notice, BUT has a partner who I wouldn't be able to look in the face afterwards (unless I got permission beforehand).

I really couldn't imagine myself having sex with A because I can't get over the mental block of him having a penis. I really want to be with a woman at this point in my life, but if I ended up with him I would still be incredibly happy. He still has a nice body and I could learn to love his penis, I guess. I could definitely see myself lying in his arms and talking all night, but I would only want to do this if we got into a relationship. It would kill me to only be friends with him and be his cuddle buddy.

I go back and forth with whether I want to sex up B, because I enjoy her company more than I want her sex. The problem is that she is very seductive and I'm only mortal. She activates all of my senses. Part of me really doubts that she does it on purpose, but it still makes me want to jump her anyway. She would make both a good fuck buddy and cuddle buddy. I'm a bit confused about the logistics of our relationship, because she's definitely more butch than I am, but I also think that wouldn't be that big of a deal at all if we ever did anything. The problem is that I love having her as friend only. I don't know what sex (or cuddling) would do to our relationship and I'm pretty afraid of asking.

I definitely want to have sex with person C. I want to have wild, biting, scratching fun sex with C, but I actually like and respect her partner. I would want to wait until I got full permission before I did anything, even though I already know that the answer would be no because C's been pretty bad lately.  So fun time with (near) strangers is out of the question for now. I'm probably not going to see her for a while (meaning until next week) anyway so I should be fine. Even when I do see her, I'll make sure not to get her alone unless I've talked to her partner by then.

I'm uber concerned with sex right now because I haven't had any (even bad sex) for over a year and I really miss feeling other bodies. Besides that, I'm out of school so sex has been on my mind a lot. I've spent most of these last two days getting off. Anyway, I'm more interested in intimacy than just sex so that makes all of this harder. I feel bad because I've been using my friends as outlets for affection, but I'm not sure how far I can (or should) take it. Really, I just want full access to someone's body who consents to me being there. That would be awesome.

But I'm tired now so I'm going to stop. Good night, folks.
~R.