Hello World (Redux) + TMI

After going on an unexpected hiatus, I'm back! I moved into a new apartment, got another job, made some new friends, and discovered my inner bitch. I still have no idea what the hell I'm doing with my life, but it's not such a big deal right now.

Anyway, to celebrate my return, I'm going to do the TMI from Sept. 11th:

The Big O

1 – Do you remember your first orgasm? How old were you? Tell us about it.

I do remember my first orgasm. I was ten. It scared the hell out of me (afterwards). Before it happened, I wasn't particularly sexual. I was curious about sex in a "exploring bodies" kind of way, but it was all looking and maybe some poking around, but nothing else. The orgasm came more or less spontaneously around the same time as my first period. I was in the bathroom when this feeling shot up from my pussy and slowly spread into the rest of me. I'd never felt anything like it before. It was incredible and, even better, it lingered. Later on (it may have been right after the orgasm) I noticed blood in my underwear. Later still, I found out that some women get incredibly horny before their periods and I just happened to be one of those lucky few. For the next year or two after that, I spent very many frustrating hours trying to recreate the experience at will. I'll still get so excited that I'll come accidentally, but I have a much better control over it thanks to those first experiences.

2 – What is your favorite way to orgasm? (Sex, g-spot/p-spot, oral, etc).

I really, really, really enjoy being fingered. Like, really. I'm usually not very vocal in bed, maybe some light moaning or heavy breathing every now and again, but I become a screaming banshee for a few skilled fingers. If you do the "come-hither" motion while inside me, I'll probably try to bite or scratch you (in gratitude, of course). I still need my clit stroked in order to come, but when everything is working in harmony, it's always one of my more stronger and surprising orgasms. Surprising because sometimes I'll also squirt, but I usually don't know beforehand if that will happen.

3 – Are there any ways you want to experience an orgasm but haven’t yet? (oral, p-spot/g-spot, with or without a vibrator, squirt, etc).

I want to have an oral orgasm, preferably while sitting on someone's face. I was really close to having one with my ex, but she ruined it by talking (insert joke about not talking with your mouth full). Call me a control freak, but I loved the feeling of being on top and riding her tongue.

4 – Have you ever had an orgasm in your sleep?

Yep. It was the strangest thing because I don't even think I was dreaming about anything particularly sexy. The orgasm stretched out and I woke up near the end of it. I've only done it twice, but both times felt amazing.

5 – What is the easiest/fastest way for you to have an orgasm?

My clit. If she's happy, then everything else falls into place.

6 – How many times a week do you try to reach orgasm?

I shoot for seven times a week, or about once a day. It's the best way to get me to fall into a deep relaxing sleep at night. I'm also a huge fan of morning orgasms so if I can get one in before work, all the better (and apparently if I wake up before a certain time and don't get off, I'll stay horny throughout most of the day, which sucks).

7 – Have you ever had an orgasm at the same time as your partner? Who normally cums first?

Nope. Never given or received an orgasm with a partner. It's something I'd like to remedy in the near future.

8 – Can you have multiples?

I did it once and have never been able to again. I really don't remember what I was doing then.

9 – How long does it normally take you to reach orgasm?

Depends on how excited I am. Sometimes I'll get so excited that I can't control it at all (these are usually unsatisfying orgasms though), in which case about five minutes or less from the initial stimulation. I try to shoot for at least 10 to 15 minutes though to give myself a chance to adequately build up tension and stuff. The longer I can hold out, the better the orgasm is usually.

10 – Have you ever faked one?

Yep. I faked a lot of times with my ex, just so she would leave me alone. On a happier note, I used to fake orgasms over the phone to get my friend off, which usually led to a real (and way less vocal) orgasm for me after she came. 

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How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblogfrom your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!

Sleepy Post: Three of a Kind

Okay not to make any grand sweeping statements, but I'm never going to find anyone!

Silliness aside, here's my dilemma: there are three people who I want to make happy time with. All three are committed in one way or the other. One stimulates me mentally, mostly, the other two stimulate me physically. Of the two that stimulates me physically, one makes me feel emotional, the other, feral. I feel like all three like me in some way, but I'm terrible at reading signs so they all could just be incredibly friendly. Of the three, I'm only afraid of losing one, but I'm afraid of getting my butt kicked by the other's partner (not literally though). And I'd be afraid to break up the relationship of the last one. I only want to be in a relationship with one of the three  The other two spell disaster from a mile away. Let's break it down with letters!

Person A: Incredibly smart, stimulates me mentally in ways that only professors have been able to interest me, incredibly honest, open-minded, adventurous, spontaneous, wonderful sense of humor, experienced, settled, strong, could hold me down both mentally and physically, BUT has penis (which I'm not too big on at the moment).

Person B: Loving, sweet, funny, trustworthy, patient, sensuous, addictive, gorgeous BUT we're friends.

Person C: Innocent in a way that drives me crazy, kinky, sexual, open-minded, experimental, drives the blood straight into my pants at a moment's notice, BUT has a partner who I wouldn't be able to look in the face afterwards (unless I got permission beforehand).

I really couldn't imagine myself having sex with A because I can't get over the mental block of him having a penis. I really want to be with a woman at this point in my life, but if I ended up with him I would still be incredibly happy. He still has a nice body and I could learn to love his penis, I guess. I could definitely see myself lying in his arms and talking all night, but I would only want to do this if we got into a relationship. It would kill me to only be friends with him and be his cuddle buddy.

I go back and forth with whether I want to sex up B, because I enjoy her company more than I want her sex. The problem is that she is very seductive and I'm only mortal. She activates all of my senses. Part of me really doubts that she does it on purpose, but it still makes me want to jump her anyway. She would make both a good fuck buddy and cuddle buddy. I'm a bit confused about the logistics of our relationship, because she's definitely more butch than I am, but I also think that wouldn't be that big of a deal at all if we ever did anything. The problem is that I love having her as friend only. I don't know what sex (or cuddling) would do to our relationship and I'm pretty afraid of asking.

I definitely want to have sex with person C. I want to have wild, biting, scratching fun sex with C, but I actually like and respect her partner. I would want to wait until I got full permission before I did anything, even though I already know that the answer would be no because C's been pretty bad lately.  So fun time with (near) strangers is out of the question for now. I'm probably not going to see her for a while (meaning until next week) anyway so I should be fine. Even when I do see her, I'll make sure not to get her alone unless I've talked to her partner by then.

I'm uber concerned with sex right now because I haven't had any (even bad sex) for over a year and I really miss feeling other bodies. Besides that, I'm out of school so sex has been on my mind a lot. I've spent most of these last two days getting off. Anyway, I'm more interested in intimacy than just sex so that makes all of this harder. I feel bad because I've been using my friends as outlets for affection, but I'm not sure how far I can (or should) take it. Really, I just want full access to someone's body who consents to me being there. That would be awesome.

But I'm tired now so I'm going to stop. Good night, folks.
~R.

Masturbation Month Story!

(All this talk about masturbating has gotten me a bit excited. But my current circumstances prevent any such activities for a while. So I shall write out my frustration in honor of masturbation month!)

It's usually that moment before your tongue ever touches her clit, when your lips are inches away from hers, that you realize just how much you've missed being down there. It's early in the morning. The sun hasn't even come up to start the day, but we've already been at it for twenty minutes. I like to wake her up with an orgasm as much as I can, but sometimes our schedules are off. Sometimes, I have to surprise her in the shower, at breakfast or at her job. Sometimes she'll make me wait until that night, until after she's cooked and I've washed the dishes, after we've bathe, and then maybe, maybe, if I've been good....

She had to stay late at the office that night. I had gotten home, cooked, watched tv, waited. Somewhere between her phone call and 30 Rock, I had fallen asleep. When I woke up she was in bed next to me. She looked so peaceful lying there and I could feel all the love I had for her expand inside me. I lied back down beside her and tried to go back to sleep. I had a presentation at work and I needed to be at my best.

I closed my eyes and put my hand on her stomach. Her skin was soft and warm from the covers. From her stomach, I traveled up to her breast and circled her nipples until I could feel them harden beneath my hand. When she woke up, I had her nipple in my mouth and my hand in her underwear. I don't know why she insisted on wearing panties to bed. I think she liked to watch me struggle to get them off her. It never felt like I could take them off fast enough, but I did and there I was lip to lip with her pussy.

Before I could get any closer, she reached down and guided me back up for a kiss. A long, deep kiss. The kind she gave when she wanted me right then, everything else be damned. I'm sure she had to get up just as early as I did. Our schedules had been horrible this week and she hated to wake me up for sex even though I tell her it's no big deal. She pushed me back on the bed, still kissing me, but now her hand is on my pussy, spreading my lips to meet my clit. I gasp when she puts one, then two, fingers inside me.

By her rhythm, I could tell she missed me. It's been too long. She needed to feel me just as much as she needed to be felt. She stopped, sliding her fingers out of me as slow as possible to watch me shiver. New position. She sucked her fingers as she straddled me. God, she was so fucking wet. I savored her smell before kissing her lips, licking her wetness. She tilted her hips to press her clit to my mouth. No more games. I kissed it, sucked it, went over it with my tongue and lips while deep, throaty  moans escaped her. I slipped my tongue inside her and immediately she began to ride it.

I could see her breast bouncing under her t-shirt. I reached up and ran my thumb over her nipples, squeezing them just enough to make her cry out again. She was riding harder now, trying to get as much of my tongue insider her as possible. If only she would let me get up, but she was too close now. Before long, she tensed up in the shock of her orgasm. Her moans, now screams, now sighs as she tried to catch her breath. I licked up the cum that dribbled out of her and sucked her clit just a little more before she fell back on the bed beside me.

She kissed me hard, deep, devouring the tongue that had just been inside her. Then she laid back down to catch her breath. The sun was out now. It was morning. Our alarm clock went out and she jumped up to turn it off. Then she went to the bathroom and started to run the shower.

"But wait," I called out from the bed, as out of breath as she. "What about me?"

Sleepy Post: Boys, boys, boys

Luckily, I can orgasm again. It only takes a bit more effort (and equipment) than I'm used to, but it is indeed possible. And they're pretty strong, which I'm perfectly fine with. I can't have any regular "meh, it's okay for tonight" or "I'm bored/quickie" orgasms, but like I said, I'm not complaining. I do wonder if it would be possible to retrain myself how to have those again. Or at least, to be able to do it that hard more frequently. Sounds like another good experiment to try out. What? It's science!

I had lunch with a male today and it made me incredibly happy. We only spent a little over an hour together, but I'm really eager to see him again. We talked about our respective lives, religion, morals, and mortality. I have no idea how we began on the conversation, but I was so surprised how open he was about his thoughts. His honesty was refreshing and a bit exciting. He is incredibly intelligent, attractive and conscientious. On top of that, he's an artist. I could easily see myself dating him, but I worry that my gender presentation would stop him from considering me a potential partner.

So I occasionally enjoy to cross dress. It's just a fact of life. I like gender bending and I find women in men's clothing near the height of sexiness. I guess I started cross-dressing as a way to reinvent myself after my last relationship. I never really felt attractive when I was with my ex so dressing more butch was a way for me to rebel against conventional feminine beauty and to discover my own self-worth. I gained a lot of self-esteem doing that because I finally began to recognize how cute I am. Unfortunately, women who dress like men are usually pegged to be masculine themselves. While this is generally true, I am definitely an exception.

Presently, I feel like I've settled into a more tomboy style that I think shows off both my femininity and masculinity. I definitely feel like a woman, whatever that means, and I am very much attracted to masculinity of either gender, but I'm not sure how that's going to come across to him. It seems to me that most people that buy into the machismo of masculinity, don't want to date someone who is also masculine. This is one of the big reasons why I don't date now. I really like this guy though so I plan to talk to him about it soon. Hopefully, he would be okay with it, but I'm not going to get my hopes up.

---Rogue

The Little Orgasm That Could

I can't orgasm anymore! Well... not completely anyway.

I'm on a new medicine that has a particularly nasty side effect of decreasing sexual desire and/or the ability to orgasm. Guess which of the two I got? It may actually be both, but I wouldn't be able to tell. I don't think I've ever had a particularly high libido. Before now, I would masturbate or have sex because it felt good or I was bored or I needed to go to sleep or concentrate. I would get excited randomly, but it didn't happen enough for me to notice a difference if it slowed down.

I tried to orgasm last night and it was such a strange experience. It was like all the signals that my neurons were supposed to fire off didn't quite make it to my brain. The sensations were weak, but I still knew I was having them.... It was a ghost orgasm! I tried again today with a little more success (possibly making a few people a bit uncomfortable in the process). The stronger surges definitely hit, but it quickly faded if I didn't keep concentrating.

It's definitely weird, but I'm going to be on the meds for at least a month to see how they work and if my body finally adjusts to them. Some women can regain their orgasms after a while on the stuff so there's still hope. If not, most people seem to get back to normal after they stop taking them (though it may take a while). Either way, I'm not too worried. If anything, this seems to be the perfect time to experiment. I still get sensations and the stronger ones are enough for me to feel so maybe I can figure out how to have stronger orgasms. Probably not, especially with what I'm working against, but I'm going to try anyway. I  have nothing to lose.

Also this is the first post of April!

---Rogue

Sleepy Post: Playmate

Tonight sucked.

I'm mad, horny, frustrated, slightly depressed, and tired. I miss playing with another girl. I miss my senses being filled up with her, hands on fire, biting soft lips until she whimpers. I miss running my fingers across her hair, playing with softness, making her sigh or giggle. I miss sliding my fingers into her. I miss her wetness and feeling her muscles tense and tighten. I miss listening to a girl moan and orgasm. I miss her mouth on me. I miss being teased and played with. It's been about four years since I've had that and a year since I've had sex. I feel like a virgin again.

I've only been with two girls physically (and one girl who lived out of state and had a particular talent for phone sex). The first time I ever messed around with a girl, we were in high school. I'll call her Lilly. She could turn me on with a look or a lick of the lips (her mouth was magical), but it never went far because of a lot of random things. I was pretty reserved and afraid of losing control back then, she was afraid of being gay, we never had enough alone time, our mutual friend was also in love with her...

My ex (and first actual) girlfriend, who I'm going to call Chubbs, was the second. She sucked at sex and that's me being nice about it. She was a liar, incredibly insecure, and borderline psychologically abusive. I tried a lot of different things with her, but none of them ever felt particularly good or right. After our first time together, I think I was incapable of ever feeling anything good from her again. Even though I knew that at the time, for whatever reason, I still took her back. Ugh.

I guess I took the year off to purge myself from her. Went in and out of therapy, got some shiny new piercings, stopped blaming myself for her, started to accept myself again, other stuff. And now I miss being intimate. I don't think I'm particularly ready for another relationship and I've never been big on sex with strangers (or near strangers), but I'm definitely ready to play again.