Life and Such

So I'm a rogue scholar. I love the name. I love what it means. I love that a "rogue" is a dishonest man. I love that this is exactly what I feel like, even though I'm neither a man nor dishonest. I have a thing for words.

I feel like I've been groomed for success from an early age, which is funny because I'll be the first to tell you that I've always been a big fish in a small pond (except in elementary, when I was arguably "normal"). People have wanted me to be a doctor, an engineer, a lawyer, to have a traditional "successful" career. The people around me now are trying to turn me into a professor, which is why I'm on the lamb from grad school (although I'm probably going to go anyway). I'm almost out of college and I'm half-jokingly (but quite seriously) thinking about how I can get into the sex industry. This is to say that I'm not nearly as traditional as anyone would want me to be.

Part of it seems to be because I'm surrounded by people who are occasionally and hopelessly provincial. There's nothing wrong with that, but it makes for a pretty lonely life. Lonely because it makes me feel different. When everyone around you thinks that the pinnacle of life is to be married to one person while working a stable job in middle management, trying to explain your desire to move to the other side of the country to take photos of BDSM models while having an open relationship with one of them is a little strange. Hell to even attempt to explain a slight bent towards BDSM is out of the question. I once tried to explain to someone how sex with a friend seems like a perfectly natural extension of the love you have for them (both parties being mutual and consenting, of course) and it was like I was speaking in a foreign language.

I don't believe in the "one and only forever love" thing. I think that idealizes people too much. I think there are people who will have a huge impact on your life, people who you'd want to keep around and make a life with, and even people who you just want to have sweaty fun time with, but every connection with another person is special. I like people at their messiest, most honest, and most unsure. But that's just me. Live and let live I think. Point being is that I'm dying to find adventurous, artsy, thoughtful people. I can't be the only person in the world who feels like this. There has to be more.

Bleh. My rant for the night.
-Rogue