Strange Things

Hi! I'm bisexual. I don't think I've explicitly said that here, but I am. I usually like girls more, but lately I've really been into guys. I feel like it's the Gentleman's fault. (That's the unofficial name of the guy I've been talking about for the last two posts or so.) I want him, but as much as he makes me happy and excited to be around him, I'm none to hopeful that it will lead anywhere. I sometimes get the feeling that people just don't find me attractive, but, more likely than not, they probably just exile me to the friend zone. That's what I think is going to happen with him.

I don't think I'm unattractive. I'm cute, adorable even, not sexy. I don't consider myself feminine visually, but I feel very feminine most of the time, which is weird I guess. I feel most comfortable in a tomboyish style, which usually ends up looking more butch than I intend. Apparently, I have a nice smile, which is good because I laugh a lot. And I'm smart. Also apparently, smartness is written across my face somehow. I don't know. These are the things people tell me. I don't know if that would be enough to attract someone, but that's all I got.

As of now, I just enjoy his company. He's really honest and open-minded in the way that I would want a potential partner to be. He's attractive and I can see myself being very comfortable lying his arms. He's also kinky enough to not find my (mostly vanilla) sadomasochistic tendencies too weird. We're both into a lot of the same things, but I haven't really told him much about me. Mostly because I just like hearing him talk. The more he talks the more I'm surprised by how similar our interests are. Oh and I like the way he feels when he hugs me.

Anything is possibly, but relationships are messy so I'm hesitant about telling him how I feel. I want to stay in this glow for a while, but I would also love the chance to date him. I've never been in a strictly monogamous, mutually consensual relationship before so this is both new and exciting for me. I've been feeling much better anyway with school drawing to a close so I may just go for it. What would I really have to lose? Stay tuned.

~R.